[asia-apec 869] Jean's trip to Malaysia

[Jonathan Oppenheim]

Here is a copy of the "Dear Jean" letter sent to
our Prime Minister by the Group Formerly known as APEC Alert


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>From alert at interchange.ubc.ca Tue Nov 10 00:02:47 1998
From: APEC Alert! <alert at interchange.ubc.ca>
Reply-To: APEC Alert! <alert at interchange.ubc.ca>
To: pm at pm.gc.ca
cc: axworl at parl.gc.ca, apecalert-l <apecalert-l at envirolink.org>
Subject: Your Trip to Malaysia

Dear Jean, 

We, the Group Formerly Known as APEC Alert salute you, Canada's grande
fromage and chief capitalist ding-dong.  We wish you well on your trip to
the APEC Summit in Malaysia.  We know how excited you must be to attend
such a distinguished photo-op and big business schmooze-fest.  You must
really be looking forward to once again shaking hands with your fellow
despots.  It has been almost a year since you got to hang with your old
golfing buddies, and you must really miss them.  And speaking of golf, we
hear that Kuala Lumpur has some of the best-kept greens in the worlds.
How wonderful for you to be able to go a few rounds with such seasoned
golf pros as Bill Clinton and Jiang Zemin.

As Canada's chief travelling salesman and corporate cheerleader, we hope
your junket will not only be pleasurably, but also profitable. "Deals!
Deals!  Deals!" Corporate Canada must be just as excited as we are.

We would also like to congratulate you on your recent human rights coup.
We hear that you will be seated next to the President of Malaysia, and
will use this opportunity to whisper a few words to him about your jailed
boy-toy Anwar. What a great way to capitalize on those many APEC coffee
breaks.  Your people at public relations are just brilliant!  This simple,
seemingly insignificant gesture might finally put an end to those
accusations about you being a bit of a thug (we know it hurts Jean, but
someone had to say it).  

Perhaps if Billy Clinton is seated on your other side, you may be tempted
to make some comments about brother Mumia.  While he is facing execution,
you must remember not to go too far.  We sincerely hope that any remarks
you make will be subtle. Remember tact Jean. I know it's not your strong
point but we wouldn't want any minor details to spoil the APEC agenda.  We
really can't afford to lose any of those sources of cheap labor, or those
deliciously lax environmental regulations. You haven't been yourself
lately and we can't have you shooting from the hip on this one. 

So, don't forget to pack your batik underwear and toothbrush, and good
luck prying open those markets!

Love,
The Group Formerly Known as APEC Alert

P.S. Please have a safe stay while attending the Summit.  We hear that
demonstrations there can really get out of hand.  Perhaps you should
acquaint Malaysian security with proper baseball bat technique.  Hit
another homer for us Jean!

P.P.S. By the way, sorry about all that revolution-n-stuff last APEC.  We
were just kidding. 



 




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