[asia-apec 844] Fw: APPA (fwd)

[appasec]

>
>FORWARDED MAIL -------
>From: markb at gn.apc.org (Mark Brown)
>Date: 03 Nov 98


>
>>Political pie-slingers on the move in San Francisco
>>
>>For Immediate Release: October 27, 1998
>>
>>San Francisco - The chief executive of one of the world's biggest
>>corporations was struck in the face with a tofu creme pie on Tuesday night
>>at the "State of the World Forum" conference in the Fairmont Hotel. The
>>incident occurred after Shapiro gave a keynote address on the brave new
>>world of genetic engineering. The "Anti-Genetix" splinter faction of the
>>Biotic Baking Brigade (BBB) claimed credit for the gustatory assault,
which
>>was code-named "Operation Safe Harvest." The BBB is aligned with Belgian
>>pieman Noel Godin's International Patisserie Brigade, who are responsible
>>for pieing Bill Gates and many other deserving targets.
>>
>>"The Biotic Baking Brigade doesn't just promise pie in the sky, we
deliver"
>>said a BBB operative named Apple, who served as Special Agent-in-Charge of
>>this operation. Continuing its autumn campaign against corporate crime,
the
>>pie incident was the second BBB offensive this month. Nobel Laureate
>>neoliberal economist Milton Friedman suffered the same fate as Shapiro on
>>October 9, 1998, at the Marriot Hotel in San Francisco, during the "School
>>Choice and Corporate America" conference.
>>
>>After Shapiro gave his speech and left the stage, he stopped to engage in
a
>>dialogue with a heckler on genetic engineering and corporate crime. It was
>>at this point that BBB Field Agents Custard and Lemon Meringue approached
>>him and let fly with tofu creme and sweet potato pies, the first of which
>>reached its target. Shapiro barely stopped to wipe his glasses and face
>>before returning to the argument, exclaiming loudly "Roundup is perfectly
>>safe!", and continued in that vein until he was escorted
>>out of the banquet hall by handlers and security. Custard and Lemon
>>Meringue were detained by security and arrested by San Francisco Police.
>>Custard has been charged with misdemeanor battery and will appear in court
>>Wednesday morning, while at this time Lemon Meringue may be released
>>without charge.
>>
>>The vegan tofu creme pie symbolized the millions of acres of Monsanto's
>>genetically-engineered soybean crops and other "Frankenfoods" coming to
>>harvest this season, dangerous foods which people have been powerless to
>>stop thus far. The sweet potato pie was tossed in recognition of the
recent
>>New York Times Sunday Magazine cover story (October 25), which detailed
the
>>fraud, deception, and legacy of poison Monsanto has given the world, using
>>the genetically-engineered (GE) "New Leaf Russet Burbank Potato" as an
>>example.
>>
>>"Monsanto has engaged in ruthless intimidation of critics; embarked upon
an
>>aggressive global takeover of seed, chemical, and pharmaceutical
companies,
>>with an aim to control world food distribution; and is conducting an
>>intensive PR "Greenwash" campaign in order to promote itself as an
>>eco-friendly corporation. We will not be fooled, and we will wage our
>>gastronomical struggle with epicurean passion" said Agent Apple. "Monsanto
>>and its subsidiaries have spread chemical death across every continent
>>through products such as PCBs, Agent Orange, Bovine Growth Hormone,
>>Nutrasweet, Equal,  and Roundup (the world's biggest selling herbicide).
>>The corporation's toxic Superfund sites poison workers and community
>>members, and its dioxins will continue to cause birth defects and major
>>health problems for generations to come." The EPA has designated Monsanto
>>as a "potentially responsible party" at 93 Superfund sites.
>>
>>************************************************************
>>
>>The Shapiro Pie Incident: A Strange And Terrible Saga.
>>An Eyewitness Account, Along with a Few Thoughts and Literary Allusions.
>>Composed on October 28, 1998.
>>
>>Last Friday afternoon I was contacted by a BBB intelligence source known
as
>>"Deep Pastry." S/he communicated to me that Robert Shapiro, CEO and
>>Chairman of Monsanto, would be delivering a keynote address at a
conference
>>the following Tuesday. We had heard from Our Man in London recently that
>>the Brits were planning to pie him next time he crossed the Atlantic, and
>>naturally we couldn't let the Limeys upstage us in this respect, because
>>they already have in every other form of anti-GE activism.
>>
>>Thusly and therefore, I immediately relayed the information to the General
>>Command of the BBB, whose Headquarters and Ovens are located deep in the
>>heart of the Headwaters Redwood Forest. The following day I received my
>>orders: compile a dossier on the target (photos, personal habits, culinary
>>preferences, etc.), perform an extensive reconnaissance of the battlefield
>>(the illustrious Fairmont Hotel, where Clinton and his ilk stay when they
>>come to town), assemble a crack pie-slinging team, develop a set of combat
>>scenarios, and await the go-ahead command.
>>
>>By Tuesday afternoon, everything was in place. I went to the pre-arranged
>>bake shop (name withheld for obvious reasons), ordered a apple-rubarb
>>crumble to go, and repaired to the pub. Even though I expected the
document
>>and have been through the routine before, I couldn't help but tremble a
tad
>>when I reached the bottom of the patisserie and uncovered the sealed and
>>embossed envelope which read, "Special Agent Apple: For Your Eyes Only."
I
>>had received the green light: the plan was a go. We were to commence
>>"Operation Safe Harvest" at 18.00 hrs., and carry out the mission by any
>>means necessary.
>>
>>By 18.07 the "Anti-Genetix" splinter faction had penetrated the tight
>>security perimeter, and we were surrounded by dozens of the world's
>>corporate and socio-political elite. This year's annual "State of the
World
>>Forum" enjoyed an attendence of 900 individuals from 103 nations and
>>tribes, and cost a mere $5,000 per ticket. It is perhaps the classic
>>example of liberal, consensus, win-win, Clinton-esque, spin-doctor,
>>sell-out, cultural appropriation, commodification-of-dissent-type event in
>>the world today.
>>
>>We were indistinguishable from the other suits in the room, and probed the
>>reception for our target while drinking wine and chatting with heavy
>>politicos and corporados from across the globe. As the reader can imagine,
>>it was all quite surreal, and I recalled the tale of an activist in London
>>who snuck into a soiree of Shell Oil executives. Shapiro was nowhere in
>>sight, so when the reception ended we proceeded to the banquet hall for a
>>lovely dinner. After a welcome from Mayor Willie Brown (who has turned San
>>Francisco into a haven for big business and development, and recently
>>endorsed a massive biotech factory for the city's East Side) and remarks
>>from the Forum's moderators, Reg Brack (Chairman Emeritus, Time
>>Incorporated) began the keynote addresses by launching into an ode to the
>>triumph of capitalism over communism, information-age technology over real
>>communities and the natural world, Reason over the forces of Darkness blah
>>blah blah. A few hisses emanated from the audience when Brack celebrated
>>the giant retail book superstores spreading across Amerika, and the
on-line
>>book chain www.amazon.com selling books through cyberspace. His cold
>>steel-blue eyes gazed imperiously over the assemblage via two enormous
>>video screens. The speech met with resounding applause.
>>
>>Next, the moderator introduced our man, Bob Shapiro, as a great
progressive
>>and a pleasure to have at the Forum. Cautious applause mingled with
murmurs
>>of dissent, perhaps because there were people inside and outside the event
>>distributing copies of the special "Monsanto Files" issue of The
Ecologist.
>>After thousands of copies were printed, Monsanto's people got to the
>>printshop and managed to scare them so badly that the printers shredded
the
>>entire print run rather than face the wrath of the Genetix Bad Boys. The
>>Ecologist apparently managed to find a printer with a spine, and dozens of
>>copies were express mailed to San Francisco, arriving that afternoon just
>>in time to make the event. The presence of a protest outside by concerned
>>citizens against Monsanto was felt inside as well.
>>
>>This was the moment of truth in the theatre of modern pie warfare. Shapiro
>>stepped to the stage, and delivered a speech that couldn't have been
>>crafted better by Monsanto's PR firm Burson-Marstellar itself (the
>>wonderful people who have greenwashed the dirty laundry of many filthy
>>corporations and governments). But then again, the speech most likely was
>>written by them.
>>
>>I could barely contain myself, the tension was so great. Shapiro waxed
>>grandiloquently about Monsanto's crucial role in saving the earth from
soil
>>erosion, pollution, overpopulation, famine, and the destructiveness of
>>industrial society. I kid you not. He described the inherent wastefulness
>>of cars and other industrial products, especially agricultural. His
>>solution: more technology. At this point, my eyes began scanning the table
>>for any remains of the scrumptious chocolate cake we were served for
>>dessert, and I almost leaned across the table and grabbed a slice with the
>>intention of storming the stage right then and there perforce. Luckily,
the
>>intensive training I've undergone as a BBB field operative clicked in, and
>>I restrained myself by sticking my hands under my buttocks and diverting
my
>>gaze away from his wild eyes, which were darting to and fro across the Big
>>Brother screen.
>>
>>Finally, he finished his speech, and left the podium in a hurry. I
>>perceived Agents Custard and Lemon Meringue approaching him directly, and
>>so I prepared for a delicious case of culinary comeuppance. As Caesar said
>>from the banks of the wide river Rubicon, while gazing across at Rome,
"The
>>pie is cast."
>>
>>A young man at a table near the stage stopped Shapiro cold in his tracks
>>with cries of "shame, shame!" A dialogue ensued, and then from Shapiro's
>>three o'clock angle two pies originating from suited figures went
airborne.
>>The first made delightful contact with his upper left facial quadrant and
>>left eyeglass piece, while the second sailed past harmlessly. Our victim
>>directed some verbal unpleasantries toward the rapidly departing flan-ers,
>>quickly wiped his face, turned back toward the seated fellow and continued
>>with raised intensity to declare that Roundup was perfectly safe for the
>>planet.
>>
>>One of the moderators stepped to the microphone to introduce none other
>>than Anita Roddick, the Body Shop global consumer conquistadora (you can
>>actually shop for a better world!), who desperately needs some pastry
>>treatment herself. Meanwhile, Shapiro continued to make a scene, but his
>>handlers quickly took him by the elbow and hustled him out while wiping
his
>>head with a towel....a scene your humble correspondent will never forget,
>>one which would cheer the hearts and souls of millions across our lonely
>>planet. I found inside my own breast a peace which passeth all
>>understanding.
>>
>>Agents Custard and Lemon Meringue were last seen making quick strides
>>through a side exit door, with security in hot pursuit. The rest of the
BBB
>>foot soldiers managed to escape at staggered intervals. We later found out
>>our comrades were detained and arrested, but even the notoriously brutal
>>SFPD managed to crack a laugh: "Hey, it's those pie people again!"
>>
>>The General Command wishes to dedicate this action to the brilliant and
>>utterly inspiring activists in Europe who have kicked off the anti-Genetix
>>revolution. In particular, we salute the pixies and sprites who tear up GE
>>fields by day and night, through cricket matches and other sporting
>>ventures; the Genetic Engineering Network, who put out excellent
>>information and keep the industry under an eagle's eye; the Genetix
>>Snowball campaigners for their pie-a-neering efforts; and a dear friend
who
>>has been nobly toiling away at the office while her heart has been pining
>>for direct action in the field. Cheers, mates! No pasaran! Viva Gerard
>>Winstanley!
>>
>>And so dear readers, with that I close this faithful account of the
Shapiro
>>Pie Incident, written and delivered to you at 5.57 hrs. after quite an
>>eventful night, having run out of reserves of adrenaline and strong proper
>>black tea. In the spirit of the Lincolnshire Loppers,  I remain yours
>>always,
>>
>>Special Agent Apple, Biotic Baking Brigade
>>Boysenberry Prairie, Headwaters Forest, Ecotopia
>>
>>PS: can someone please pass this on to Noel Godin, the "entarteur"
himself?
>>By the way, a fan of his created a website, and it's a must see for any
>>serious political pastry cognoscente:
>>http://www.cinenet.net/users/jaybab/noel.html
>>********************************************
>>"Cast a cold pie, on life, on death. Horseman, pass by." --The epitaph
>>William Butler Yeats wrote for his tombstone in a Sligo County cemetery,
>>under Ben Bulben.
>>
>>"Every Day Is Pie Day." --BBB mediation and morning salutation
>
>------------------------------------------------------------------------
>Earth First! Journal
>POB 1415, Eugene, OR 97440-1415  USA
>(541) 344-8004, fax 344-7688
>http://www.envirolink.org/orgs/ef
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>"May your trails be crooked, winding, lonesome, dangerous, leading to
> the most amazing view." -- Edward Abbey
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