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<DIV><SPAN class=gmail_quote><FONT face=Arial size=2>Very interesting and
illuminating piece of work; hope that in his next instalment, doesn't forget to
write about our traffic cops!</FONT></SPAN></DIV>
<DIV><SPAN class=gmail_quote><FONT face=Arial>Cheers</FONT></SPAN></DIV>
<DIV><SPAN class=gmail_quote><FONT face=Arial>Debi</FONT></SPAN></DIV>
<DIV><SPAN class=gmail_quote><FONT
face=Arial>----------------------------------------------------------------------------</FONT></SPAN></DIV>
<DIV><SPAN class=gmail_quote><FONT face=Arial size=2></FONT></SPAN> </DIV>
<DIV><SPAN class=gmail_quote>Subject: Driving in Bangalore / India<BR>To:
<BR><BR></DIV></SPAN>
<DIV>
<P style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">This article was written by a Dutchman who spent
two years in Bangalore, India, as a visiting expert.</P>
<P style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Driving in Bangalore / India</P>
<P>For the benefit of every Tom, Dick and Harry visiting India and daring to
drive on Indian roads, I am offering a few hints for survival. They are
applicable to every place in India except Bihar, where life outside a vehicle is
only marginally safer. </P>
<P>Indian road rules broadly operate within the domain of karma where you do
your best, and leave the results to your insurance company. The hints are as
follows: Do we drive on the left or right of the road?</P>
<P>The answer is "both". Basically you start on the left of the road, unless it
is occupied. In that case, go to the right, unless that is also occupied. Then
proceed by occupying the next available gap, as in chess. Just trust your
instincts, ascertain the direction, and proceed. Adherence to road rules leads
to much misery and occasional fatality. Most drivers don't drive, but just aim
their vehicles in the generally intended direction. </P>
<P>Don't you get discouraged or underestimate yourself except for a belief in
reincarnation; the other drivers are not in any better position. Don't stop at
pedestrian crossings just because some fool wants to cross the road. You may do
so only if you enjoy being bumped in the back. </P>
<P>Pedestrians have been strictly instructed to cross only when traffic is
moving slowly or has come to a dead stop because some minister is in town. Still
some idiot may try to wade across, but then, let us not talk ill of the dead.
</P>
<P>Blowing your horn is not a sign of protest as in some countries. We horn to
express joy, resentment, frustration, romance and bare lust (two brisk
blasts),or just mobilize a dozing cow in the middle of the bazaar. Keep
informative books in the glove compartment. You may read them during traffic
jams, while awaiting the chief minister's motorcade, or waiting for the
rainwater to recede when over ground traffic meets underground drainage. </P>
<P>Occasionally you might see what looks like a UFO with blinking colored lights
and weird sounds emanating from within. This is an illuminated bus, full of
happy pilgrims singing bhajans. These pilgrims go at breakneck speed, seeking
contact with the Almighty, often meeting with success. </P>
<P><SPAN style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Auto Rickshaw (Baby Taxi): </SPAN><BR></P>
<P>The result of a collision between a rickshaw and an automobile, this
three-wheeled vehicle works on an external combustion engine that runs on a
mixture of kerosene oil and creosote. This triangular vehicle carries iron rods,
gas cylinders or passengers three times its weight and dimension, at an
unspecified fare. After careful geometric calculations, children are folded and
packed into these auto rickshaws until some children in the periphery are not in
contact with the vehicle at all. Then their school bags are pushed into the
microscopic gaps all round so those minor collisions with other vehicles on the
road cause no permanent damage. Of course, the peripheral children are charged
half the fare and also learn Newton's laws of motion en route to school.
Auto-rickshaw drivers follow the road rules depicted in the film Ben Hur, and
are licensed to irritate. </P>
<P><SPAN style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Mopeds: </SPAN><BR></P>
<P>The moped looks like an oil tin on wheels and makes noise like an electric
shaver. It runs 30 miles on a teaspoon of petrol and travels at break-bottom
speed. As the sides of the road are too rough for a ride, the moped drivers tend
to drive in the middle of the road; they would rather drive under heavier
vehicles instead of around them and are often "mopped" off the tarmac. </P>
<P>Leaning Tower<SPAN style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold"> of Passes:</SPAN> <BR></P>
<P>Most bus passengers are given free passes and during rush hours, there is
absolute mayhem. There are passengers hanging off other passengers, who in turn
hang off the railings and the overloaded bus leans dangerously, defying laws of
gravity but obeying laws of surface tension. As drivers get paid for overload
(so many Rupees per kg of passenger), no questions are ever asked. Steer clear
of these buses by a width of three passengers. </P>
<P><SPAN style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">One-way Street: </SPAN><BR></P>
<P>These boards are put up by traffic people to add jest in their otherwise drab
lives. Don't stick to the literal meaning and proceed in one direction. In
metaphysical terms, it means that you cannot proceed in two directions at once.
So drive as you like, in reverse throughout, if you are the fussy type. Least I
sound hypercritical, I must add a positive point also. Rash and fast driving in
residential areas has been prevented by providing a "speed breaker"; two for
each house. This mound, incidentally, covers the water and drainage pipes for
that residence and is left untarred for easy identification by the corporation
authorities, should they want to recover the pipe for year-end accounting. </P>
<P>Night driving on Indian roads can be an exhilarating experience for those
with the mental make up of Genghis Khan. In a way, it is like playing Russian
roulette, because you do not know who amongst the drivers is loaded. What looks
like premature dawn on the horizon turns out to be a truck attempting a speed
record. On encountering it, just pull partly into the field adjoining the road
until the phenomenon passes. </P>
<P>Our roads do not have shoulders, but occasional boulders. Do not blink your
lights expecting reciprocation. The only dim thing in the truck is the driver,
and with the peg of illicit arrack (alcohol) he has had at the last stop, his
total cerebral functions add up to little more than a naught. Truck drivers are
the James Bonds of India, and are licensed to kill. Often you may encounter a
single powerful beam of light about six feet above the ground. This is not a
super motorbike, but a truck approaching you with a single light on, usually the
left one. It could be the right one, but never get too close to investigate. You
may prove your point posthumously. </P></DIV>
<P>
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